The Precipice of Fear

Back then it was so easy to see myself doing this.

But now?

Right now, there is no part of my heart that is urging me to do this. My soul is lying on the floor begging me not to go through with it.

Right now I don't want to hear that this is a good opportunity, or that I am going to be a million times happier there.

Because right now, all I'm aware of is the sound of my breaking heart and the look on your face.

Right now, I know that I don't want to leave you. I don't want you to cry every time I mention me leaving. I don't want you to feel sadness as the days aim towards the departure date.

Right now, I'm not ready.

I'm just not...

Standing upon the precipice of fear

New Year's Resolution: God is Enough

For the past year I have been incredibly depressed/annoyed/fed up about the fact that I am single. Feelings of worthlessness and nobody-loves-me's have been a constant occurrence in my mind, and I've been annoying anyone who will listen with my complaints. 

But that was until I found this blog entry. 

A few months ago I spoke about how God gives hugs and this one is no different. This entry contains an answer to every single prayer I have prayed, and with it, my New Year's Resolution.

God is Enough.

Happy New Year, and may God bless you greatly :)

The Magic of Salt Water

I'm convinced that salt water is the perfect remedy for every situation - simply because no matter how you feel, crying, exercising or going to the beach always makes you feel better. :)

It's been about two weeks that I've been at the beach, and I can safely say that every sore spot in my life is slowly seeping out and being replaced by new, happier feelings.

I find myself dwelling less on the past and more on the future. I'm smiling. I'm happy. 

I don't know where you are in your life, but if you are in need of a change, today is the perfect time to start!

It's almost 2012, and I'm going into it with a much happier soul and a resolution to let go of the past, and to embrace the future :)

Not sure where to start?

I've created a list, detailing every aspect of my life that's currently making me unhappy. 

I may not know where I'm going to end up, but I do know that I will do my absolute best to complete the tasks outlined on the list :)

Happy New Year :) May you find your new beginning :D

I don't know if there's anyone reading this, but if there is, welcome :) If you'd like to follow me on this journey, feel free to click on the link labelled "The Fresh Saltwater Start" on the left-hand side of this blog. Thanks for reading!

Hugs from Jesus

I don't know if you have ever felt a hug from Jesus - or even realised when He was giving you one!

I realised this for the first time yesterday, when something I had prayed about was answered, and I was left feeling nothing but God's love around me :)

Two nights ago I was having a low self esteem day, and I found myself in tears as I stood in front of the mirror telling God everything I was so deeply unhappy about. I went to bed feeling pretty yucky, and needless to say, the morning did not bring sunshine and happiness...

I had a few errands to do yesterday (and needless to say I was pretty grumpy and depressed!) - when I walked into a new hairsalon to give my mom something I had borrowed. As I walked in, she asked me out of the blue if I had time to try out the new hairdresser. Feeling pretty yucky already, I decided whatevs, let's see what happens.

The minute I sat down, the hairdresser looked at me and said the same words I had prayed the night before. The words "frizzy" and "tired" came up; but so did the words "I can help you with that."

Well, I left that salon with a new hairstyle - and a new outlook!

I fully believe I walked into that salon for a reason, and I know God gave me one of the biggest bear hugs of all time :)

So today as you go about your business, take a few moments to just stop and see how God is sending you hugs!

Feel inferior? Join the club...

Today's society has this remarkable way of promoting self-love and self-hate in the same breath.
Beautiful photoshopped models proudly proclaim that women should love themselves - perhaps it's only me, but does anyone else feel inferior next to these ladies?

There are many seminars, adverts, self-help books and advice columns that tell us God loves us for who we are, and that we are all beautiful because we are created in His image.

And even though the above mentioned statement can be comforting and uplifting sometimes, I have really been struggling to believe it... Admitting that is like a punch to the stomach, isn't it?

We are conditioned to say that we're ok, no matter how we feel inside. I have been pretending that I do not feel like a swamp creature. I have been pretending that I'm not damn lonely. I have been pretending that I am not deathly afraid that this is as good as it's gonna get.

But today, as I stood in the dressing room trying on a dress that is absolutely stunning... I suddenly could not see the dress. All I could see was that I was looking into the eyes of a short, tired girl with frizzy hair, zits and a not-so-toned stomach.

I had asked a friend's advice on the dress, but before he could reply, I had already left the store - feeling more wounded and disgusting than when I went in. And even though he did his best to comfort me with his very kind words, I just wasn't feeling it.

In fact, I'm still not... I'm simply trying to avoid the subject of... well, the subject of me. I don't want to look in the mirror; I don't want to confront the person standing there.

Yes, I know the solution is to stop beating myself up and rejoicing in Christ because I'm made in His image... But I'm really struggling. Because if I can't even love myself today, how could I possibly grasp the  concept of anyone else loving me?

I have been on countless blogs and websites searching for answers to this predicament... but I haven't found any answers. Perhaps everyone else has it more together than I do. Perhaps I really do need to stop being my own worst enemy -

But all I know is that when I walked into the store where I really want to work and handed my CV to a tall, slender, blue-eyed blonde girl with the clearest skin I've ever seen, I walked out with a gutted feeling that there is no way I'm going to get this job.

And therein lies my problem: Society has made us incapable of appreciating our true worth...

Hallo zusammen!

Jemand aus Deutschland ist mein Blog lesen - Ich wollte nur mal Hallo sagen!

Ich kann nicht Deutsch sprechen aber  ich bin mit Google Translate: P

Ich hoffe, alles macht Sinn, und danke fürs Lesen!






If Google Translate is reliable, the above message hopefully reads:


Hi there!
Someone from Germany has read my blog - I just wanted to say hi!
I can not speak German, but  I'm using Google Translate: P
I hope everything makes sense, and thanks for reading!