Today's society has this remarkable way of promoting self-love and self-hate in the same breath.
Beautiful photoshopped models proudly proclaim that women should love themselves - perhaps it's only me, but does anyone else feel inferior next to these ladies?
There are many seminars, adverts, self-help books and advice columns that tell us God loves us for who we are, and that we are all beautiful because we are created in His image.
And even though the above mentioned statement can be comforting and uplifting sometimes, I have really been struggling to believe it... Admitting that is like a punch to the stomach, isn't it?
We are conditioned to say that we're ok, no matter how we feel inside. I have been pretending that I do not feel like a swamp creature. I have been pretending that I'm not damn lonely. I have been pretending that I am not deathly afraid that this is as good as it's gonna get.
But today, as I stood in the dressing room trying on a dress that is absolutely stunning... I suddenly could not see the dress. All I could see was that I was looking into the eyes of a short, tired girl with frizzy hair, zits and a not-so-toned stomach.
I had asked a friend's advice on the dress, but before he could reply, I had already left the store - feeling more wounded and disgusting than when I went in. And even though he did his best to comfort me with his very kind words, I just wasn't feeling it.
In fact, I'm still not... I'm simply trying to avoid the subject of... well, the subject of me. I don't want to look in the mirror; I don't want to confront the person standing there.
Yes, I know the solution is to stop beating myself up and rejoicing in Christ because I'm made in His image... But I'm really struggling. Because if I can't even love myself today, how could I possibly grasp the concept of anyone else loving me?
I have been on countless blogs and websites searching for answers to this predicament... but I haven't found any answers. Perhaps everyone else has it more together than I do. Perhaps I really do need to stop being my own worst enemy -
But all I know is that when I walked into the store where I really want to work and handed my CV to a tall, slender, blue-eyed blonde girl with the clearest skin I've ever seen, I walked out with a gutted feeling that there is no way I'm going to get this job.
And therein lies my problem: Society has made us incapable of appreciating our true worth...
No comments:
Post a Comment